A Genuinely Horrifying Collection of Christmas Carol Parodies

Welcome to the Land of Dangerous Laughter

Detail from “Garten der Lüste”
Detail from Garten der Lüste by Hieronymus Bosch. This is how our songs make some people feel.

This Web site features lyrics to five of the eleven songs from An Existential Xmas, our toxic cure for the holiday blues. ($11.95 USD or equivalent foreign funds for the book.) There have been many different reactions to this nefarious collection of songs.

One devout Christian said, “I want to thank you for reaffirming my faith in Jesus. You’ve shown me that the alternative is too horrible to contemplate.”

On one occasion a caroler complained, “How am I supposed to sing this? I can’t stop laughing!”

Our favorite compliment of all is, “You’ve taken the aggravation out of the Christmas music that plays in all the stores during the holiday season. Your lyrics have driven the original lyrics out of my mind, I can’t remember them anymore.”

To everyone who thrives on our brand of dangerous laughter we say, “You’re welcome.” But be warned, although An Existential Xmas has proven to be hysterically funny to atheists and persons of strong religious faith, agnostics and persons of tenuous faith have been gravely traumatized by these lyrics.

If our songs don’t hurt you, and in fact you like them so much that you go out and perform them in public, please contact us and let us know. And if you happen to make any profit off performing our material we’d appreciate a reasonable amount of tithing to The Existential Despair Foundation.

Original SongParody Title
Hark the Herald Angels SingHark the Old French Wise Men Sing
Joy to the WorldFear for the World
God Rest Ye Merry GentlemenNo Rest for Weary Citizens
It Came Upon A Midnight ClearIt Came Upon A Sunday Morn’
Jingle BellsKill for Christ the Lord
Deck the HallsDeck the Walls (With Heads of
Foe Men)
Rudolf the Red Nosed ReindeerFrothgar the Red Haired Viking
Good King WenceslasGood King Richard
The First NoelThe Bubonic Plague
Frosty the SnowmanGreggy the Pontiff *
Santa Claus is Coming to TownJehovah is Coming to Town